Dear Solana,
So it is now come to pass that I have been diagnosed with Lupus. As my family and I start this journey of research, I kinda realized I dont fully understand what I have. Ive read the books and seen the web pages. Ive listened to peoples stories and yet I think I need to say Im not nearly as depressed as everyone thinks I am. And maybe this is why. Every page I went to that was related to "living with lupus" ended with a sad story of death. Thanks be to God, mine is not that serious. Serious...but not that serious. So lupus basically is my immune system attacking itself causing damage to the tissue in my body and randomly pops out of no where...and randomly disappears.
Im thankful for all the prayers first and foremost and I realize now I need them more than ever. Specifically if you think of me this is what I need prayer in:
1. Strength to do my job more than just effectively. Working with ice all day and customer service and a fast paced environment isnt helpful to my body. Yet, so far God has sustained.
2. School. Ive noticed that my memory is fading and my ability to do school is extremely difficult. However, Ive always loved learning and if I need to find other means of educating myself I will but I prefer school. :]
3. Energy. Im completely zonked after any task. I can barely move boxes that are "light as a feather" and open the gallons of milk.
4. Pain. Pray that the pain will go away. At times it can be very intense. Thankfully it has not happened at work. Its difficult to walk around theme parks or even the mall now for long periods of time. I dont want this to stop me from doing anything...AKA the things i love to do like painting. or playing at the park.
So, here I am. 20 years old with an auto immune disease. Apparently a pretty serious one at that. To be quite honest it hasnt hit yet that this isnt going away. That this is a lifetime disease. My family knows no "small" trial. We go big...or well...we go home. To be honest, im not sad. Im not angry. Im thankful beyond all relief.
Ive lived 4 years with these symptoms going undiagnosed. Thinking that I was just allergic to the air and that was it. Somedays I felt like I was being a whimp for not being able to handle what life was throwing at me. The day to day stress. So, I worked through it. And now here I am realizing that just because I was diagnosed, doesnt mean Im gonna let it stop me from living my life. For doing work for the kingdom. I might not be able to go overseas, BUT hey. Ill take whatever God throws at me. Im all smiles. Im thankful. God has answered my prayer of a diagnoses.
If anything this has strengthened my relationship with Him. Thanks to all of you who are surrounding me in this time...well my lifetime actually. This is gonna be fun. This is life. Everyone has challenges. Mine is just gonna be my health.
"Go, then, earthly fame and treasure! Come, disaster, scorn and pain!
In Thy service pain is pleasure; with Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee, “Abba, Father”; I have set my heart on Thee:
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather, all must work for good to me."
Eric Liddell is my hero. He was a runner. Something I always aspired to be but never could achieve because of my body hindering me in someway. He stood up for his faith in ways that I could only dream of doing. He did missions in China, at a peak of persecution, and was killed for it. He ran. He served. He lived the way I want to live. And I too want to renew my strength. and mount up with wings like eagles. I want to run and no longer be weary nor faint.
lupus has my body. But it will not have me or my faith. :]
Love Sam
P.S. Explaining the title: lupus' ribbon is the color purple.
